The Struggle of Saying
by JustAnotherAuthor-Not
Summary: She sighed and leaned against the door, hating the way her heart beat faster. It was like the beginning of her stupid crush all over again. Why was she back to being like this? All she had to do was say three simple words!


**A/N: got this idea from my pottery class in school my friend did a cute thing and it sparked this whole mess of an idea and if you think Alex wouldn't be like this you can fight me**

 _Crash_.

Alex picked up another piece of pottery and threw it at the wall with a huff.

It wasn't fair. What gave him the _right_ to be like that _._

She lifted another vase to be sacrificed in her rage. Reliving the events from a few nights ago.

" _I love you."_

 _They had somehow ended up sprawled together on her bed, legs tangled and a blanket lazily thrown across them as they shared whispers._

 _Magnus brushed the hair from her face. Alex would never admit that she loved when he did that, but somehow he always knew._

 _She froze as those three quiet words left his lips. For once at a complete loss for what to say. He smiled softly, cheeks flushed. The moment was still, tense but not in an awkward or uncomfortable way._

 _Alex punched his arm, a little harder the necessary, mostly to feel the pain in her knuckles._

 _His laugh was like wind chimes as he rubbed his arm, he'd been expecting her response._

Magnus hadn't even realized he had feelings for her until after she kissed him, and even then he'd seemed at a loss. How could he be so comfortable with his feelings now?!

Alex sat down in the mess she had made, ignoring the few shards that poked her as she shifted to lie on the floor and stare up at the branches that made her ceiling. She knew she wasn't mad at Magnus at all, the frustration was completely at herself.

She loved him. She knew she loved him. So why couldn't she just say it!

They weren't "official" because she didn't like the title. They were barely public because she wasn't comfortable with it. Magnus was so nice, and understanding, and patient with her. So why couldn't she give him this one stupid thing.

"I love y-" her voice faltered and her face heated up. Even in the privacy of her own room, she couldn't say it. It was pathetic.

There was a knock on her door.

Alex slowly rose to answer it. Of course, it just had to be Magnus.

"You okay?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

Alex knew she looked gross, she was sweaty and her hair was a rats nest but she didn't care. Magnus had seen her worse.

"Yeah," she replied curtly, immediately internally wincing. She hadn't meant for it to come out that way, she did honestly appreciate the concern. "What's up?"

"We were thinking of going 'bowling to the death.' I came to ask if you wanted to join." He smiled softly, sending her heart aflutter. Even after so long it _still_ did that.

Nothing sounded better than chucking a bowling ball at some poor person's head right then, but the suggestion had sparked an idea. "I'm gonna have to say no."

"You sure? We're all pretty much doomed without you."

Alex could tell Magnus wanted to ask if she was really okay, but was once again thankful that he gave her space.

"Yeah I've got better stuff to do then save your asses," She stuck out her tongue.

"Well, see you at dinner then," He hesitated before leaving, so Alex slammed the door in his face.

She sighed and leaned against the door, hating the way her heart beat faster. It was like the beginning of her stupid crush all over again. Why was she back to being like this? All she had to do was say three simple words!

She pushed off the door and went to reset her pottery set-up.

The thought of bowling had reminded her of a trick her grandfather had shown her for reminders or messages to herself after he had seen some of her destroyed pieces. It was a stupid idea, perhaps the cheesiest, most ridiculous, extra and perfect idea ever.

She started softening some clay and got to work.

A few hours later it was nearly finished. She had made a hollow clay ball with only a small hole at the top that needed to be closed. First, there was the most important thing, she ripped a small piece of paper and took a deep breath. Shakily she raised her pen and wrote 'I loveee'

"Ugh!" she crumpled it up and threw it into the ever-growing pile of other failed attempts. It was just as hard to write down!

She smacked her head down onto the table, quickly steadying the ball before it could roll off.

"I am very fond of Magnus Chase." She breathed, staring intently at the floor. Easy. "I enjoy spending time with Magnus Chase." She slowly lifted her head. Got it. "Magnus Chase said he loves me." She smiled, sitting upright now. True. "I. I really _like_ Magnus Chase! OH MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS!" She yelled into the empty room throwing her head back and covering her face with her hands. "No, this is so stupid!" She sat over the table again, quickly ripping another paper, and angrily wrote 'I LOVE YOU'.

There it was. Alex's face turned red as she read and reread those three words. Before she could second-guess herself and add it to the pile of mess-ups, she rolled it up and shoved it into the ball, quickly sealing it in before scooting her chair back hurriedly.

She was shaking. She was a blushing mess. It wasn't finished and the writing wasn't the prettiest. But she had done it. The hardest part was over. The biggest grin made its way across her face. _She did it_.

The ball was made of a different clay then what she normally used, so it didn't have to be fired in the kiln. When she was originally taught how to do this she wrote the message on clay and wrapped it in paper then put that in the hollow ball, but after the first few attempts at doing all that without smushing it due to nerves, she switched to paper and an air dry ceramic clay. It also had the added benefit of drying faster than firing so she would be finished with it sooner. Alex got to work on adding the final details, just some paint and embossing left.

It was past 4am by the time Alex felt it was finished and completely dry. He shook it and could hear the paper rustle inside, he let a satisfied grin make its way across his face. Only one last thing to do and that was give it to Magnus, easy. Yeah… if he didn't give it to the big dork right now he might never.

It took what felt like ages for Magnus to open the door after Alex knocked but as soon as he appeared in the doorway Alex grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him down to press his lips to his. He pulled back for a split second, just enough time to hand Magnus the ceramic ball before pulling him back for another kiss. This time, taking the chance to loop his arms around Magnus's neck to deepen it slightly, before pulling away, not giving the blonde an opportunity to react.

"Break that when you feel bad, or angry, or confused, or whatever. And do it soon." And with that, Alex took a second to appreciate the completely confused, flustered and adorably red, face of Magnus, before patting him on the shoulder and walking back to his room. Alex shot the blushing blonde a quick wink before shutting his door and grinning like a madman.

 **A/N: okay feasibly i could make a second part to this where magnus you know actually breaks the ball but is it necessary? Feedback on leaving it kinda open ended would be appreciated. I do have other fics in the works that i could focus on instead so let me know what you think**

 **Also i know, i know over explained the pottery thing but its cool okay!**

 **Come tell me things on tumblr justanotherurl-not**


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